


Shatter Upon Impact

by klutzy_girl



Series: Years Roll Slowly Past [8]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Tag, Episode: s14e18 Absence, Family, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Season/Series 14
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 19:51:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18453461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/klutzy_girl/pseuds/klutzy_girl
Summary: In the wake of Mary's death, Sam reaches his breaking point and finally shatters. Dean and Cas aren't doing so hot either.





	Shatter Upon Impact

Sam managed to keep himself together until the three of them entered the bunker. They made their way down the stairs, he hit the war room, and his knees just buckled up. He struggled to keep upright and almost hit the floor before Dean grabbed him just in time. “Sammy?” he asked in a concerned but dull tone. He tried to tell them that he was okay but the words wouldn’t come and he burst into sobs instead. He lowered himself to the ground, taking Dean with him, and curled up in a ball. 

Cas crouched down next to them. “Sam?” he pressed.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t you apologize. Not for this. You crying about Mom?” Dean questioned, keeping his hand on Sam’s arm.

“Most of it. But everything just hit me at once. It’s been a really bad fucking year, Dean.” He continued to sob and buried his head in his brother’s chest, feeling guilty that he was preventing him from grieving too.

“I know it has been. You want to get off the floor and go to bed? This can’t be comfortable.” Mostly Dean didn’t want Sam to cry himself to sleep right here in the war room, which was one hundred percent where this was heading if his breakdown continued. He wasn’t surprised Sam had finally reached his breaking point.

“Please don’t leave me.” Sam couldn’t take another loss, not so soon. He needed Dean by his side.

“I’m not going anywhere, Sammy, I promise. Why don’t we head to my room instead? You okay with that?” At Sam’s nod, he and Cas helped him up then Dean led him back to his own room. Tears poured down Sam’s face the whole way down the hallway and he refused to let go of his older brother.

Sam wanted to stop crying but couldn’t now - the dam had finally burst and everything he had been holding back since Michael possessed Dean was pouring of him like a faucet. “Sorry,” he apologized again.

“Hey, what did I tell you about apologizing? Stop that,” Dean gently chided, willing to ride this out. He forced his own tears back because his brother needed him to be the strong one right now. He could fall apart later.

“I didn’t get to say goodbye again.” Sam’s voice shook and his breath hitched. “But she told me she was proud of you.”

“She was so fucking proud of you, Sammy. Me too - she loved us both.” Dean brushed Sam’s hair out of his eyes and his heart broke even more.

“Don’t go,” Sam pleaded again, lost in his grief and everything else he buried for months, hoping it wouldn’t blow up in his face.

“Not going anywhere.” He had a feeling he’d be reassuring his brother of that a lot in the days to come.

“I love you,” Sam told him, which nearly broke Dean even more.

“Right back at you, kiddo. Always.” Dean pressed a kiss to Sam’s temple, worried when his brother continued to tremble. 

Right on schedule, Sam cried himself into exhaustion and sleep within half an hour, leaving Dean to his own grief.

 

As soon as Sam and Dean left his sight, Cas crumpled and finally gave into the grief and guilt that had been building ever since he got the news that Mary was “no longer on this Earth”. Even though he was alone, he needed some privacy so the angel bolted towards his bedroom and locked the door behind him. Sliding to the door, he pulled his knees up and wrapped his arms around them. “Fuck,” he choked out. A sob welled up within him and he curled one of his hands up and placed it on his mouth in order to stifle it but that didn’t seem to help one bit. Seeing Mary at peace should have helped but it only made shit worse for some reason.

He doubted he was truly dead to Dean but he didn’t blame him one bit for being angry. Drowning in guilt, despair, and grief, Cas could only wonder how they’d be able to find their way out of this one. They needed to help Jack and find him as soon as possible - he hoped his son wasn’t too far gone but it’d be hard to say until they actually saw and talked to him. 

He wants to be hopeful that they’ll be able to get through to him, to save the nephilim, but right now it’s too soon to see a path that leads somewhere good.

So for now, Cas mourns alone and hopes he can pretend to be strong in the coming days.

 

Furious, Dean tried to hold on to his anger so he doesn’t fall apart but it’s burning away fast, especially when he’s closely monitoring a sleeping brother with tear tracks on his face. His mother’s gone again, and this time, there’s no coming back. At least she’s in Heaven with John - a small comfort which doesn’t actually make him feel better. “I hope you’re truly happy again, Mom,” he murmured, wincing when Sam shifted a bit before settling back down.

He’s completely shattered, knows Sam is too, and despite his anger at him, wonders how Cas is faring. Probably not well, especially since he looked wrecked and beaten down too. He’ll apologize to him in the morning. Hell, they might not be able to look each other in the eye. It’s been that kind of day.

In a matter of months, he’s gained and lost both parents. He still hasn’t quite recovered from John’s brief, devastating visit, and now Dean can’t stop flashing back to when he held his dead mother in his arms, Sam next to him, holding him because he couldn’t figure out what else to do. 

Dean bowed his head and finally gave into the tears he’s been holding back for hours, his own body trembling now. He’s not surprised when even in his sleep, Sam mumbles something unintelligible and pats his arms before he’s pulled under again.

Dean wasn’t even surprised when he too ended up crying himself to sleep.

They’ve all hit rock bottom and as much as the three of them want to help Jack, none of them can see a way out yet. It’s too soon for that.


End file.
